How the bloody hell are you supposed to whack a summary of your personality down in a couple of lines and then be confident that you can bag a nice pretty, but not too pretty boy with it? I can just about hold back the ‘crazy’ for a few hours when I first meet people, but to try and paraphrase my craziness into a short paragraph, whilst also attempting to portray at least an ounce of personality and not sound like an utter arse is something of a challenge!
I assumed that the best approach to this challenge was to research – that’s what I do best after all (ok, fine, I do cyber stalking best, but that’s essentially a form of slightly creepy research, so shh). However, this just confused me even more. It seems that guys have a fairly solid idea of how to do this – you get a mix of the super creative types, who write mini witty essays that present a perfect little bundle of dateability potential wrapped up with questionable hair, skinny fits and black framed glasses, or you get the slightly less highbrow rugby types, with photos of them out drinking and traveling around Thailand, followed by a list of favourite foods and “must like rugby and beer’ in their “Looking For” box.
I think we all know which side of the fence I am going to fall on with this one, but there is just no way that I can include “beer is best, rugby is my life” in my summary section and not sound like I bat for the other team. Plus, it would be a lie, and then I would have to explain on date one (or two, depending on whether I can brush up on my lying skills) that actually beer makes my stomach hurt and I love rugby, but it’s an enjoyment factor that’s based purely on the shorts. Well, shorts and thighs.
So, stalking boys was no help at all, do you think the girls section was any better though? Nope. Once I had gotten over how many insanely hot single girls there are in London (honestly men, what’s wrong with you all!), I then found myself facing some truly terrifying Personal Statement style profiles. “I am a genuine blend of true intellect, sophistication and style, wrapped up in a professional coat of designer clothing and immaculate style.” Wowza, even if that was true for me there is absolutely no way that I would be able to bring myself to write this – she’s shamelessly waving the Crazy Flag with pride. Mine would be more like: “I am a total and utter klutz, I can’t eat a meal without spilling, red wine and white carpets don’t mix well in my company and I slip up on nothing more times that I can count in a single day. I still wear clothes that I’ve had since first year of University because I can’t bring myself to throw them away and I hate shopping for anything other than books, wine or food.” Yeah, maybe not.
I’m going to work on trying to find a vague middle ground for this, but in the meantime, I’ve come across another conundrum- what about photos? Do I just use ones that show me drunk with my girls (which are pretty much all the snaps I have, other than me being a bridesmaid, and I don’t think that this is really the time or the place, is it!)? Do I go for ones that paint some sort of a personality picture (this is me on a boat, this is me with a book, this is me with a wine and gin cocktail that tasted amazing but broke me the next day)? Or just opt for the ones where I am skinniest, hottest and look as little like my actual self as possible?
The fear of actually have to go on a date where the person arrives and knows instantly that I deliberately picked lying photos would just be too much for me to deal with, but the chances of actually getting a date are surely increased considerably by using the hotter photos.
I’m not even started, and this game is already starting to prove a fair bit more stressful than I was really anticipating!
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